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Pilot Gallery Transcript

[Early in the morning. We see a garbage man loading the truck as it pans to Apple and Onion's house, at the top of a tall building. An alarm clock sounds.]

Apple: 🎵 Wake up time.🎵

Onion🎵 5:49.🎵

Apple🎵 Feeling fine, 'cause it's wake up time...🎵

[The two of them get out of bed and dance, until Onion suddenly stops.]

Onion: 5:49? Why are we up at 5:49? 

Apple: Oh, because it had to rhyme with wake up time, for the song.

Onion: What's wrong with 8:49?

Apple🎵 Wake up time, 8:49, feeling f...🎵 Yeah, true. We could've done 8:49...

Onion: [groans angrily]

[The duo is seen back to sleep. It is now 1:24. Title screen]

[Loud computer noise.]

Apple: [wakes up suddenly] Wha'? [gets up and turns the volume down] Ugh, we really need to stop putting this thing up so loud, Onion!

Onion: True...what is it?

Apple: It's an invite, to Hotdog's party...tonight!

Onion: But we never get invited to parties...

Apple: Well, we did this time!

[cut to Hotdog's apartment.]

Hotdog: Hey, do you know how to uninvite people?

Burger: Maybe. Yeah, why?

Hotdog: I accidentally invited these two guys...Apple and Onion?

Burger: Here, let me see... I think there's a setting where you can just take them off the list. Hopefully they haven't seen it yet!

Onion: I printed out the invite so we know exactly where to go!

Apple: Who else is going? [scrolls through the list]

Onion: [gasps] French Fry!

Apple: Haha! You love French Fry, don't you, Onion?

Onion: Yeah!

Apple: But she's a girl!

Onion: I know, but I just love her! It's not my fault.

Apple: Pfft! Haha! Hey, why don't you ask her out at the party?

Onion: What, you think she'll actually go out with me?

Apple: Yeah, and this is the perfect time to ask her. We're already really nice people, but just imagine when she sees us dance!

Onion: Yeah...and then we can hang around together! Accept invitation!

Apple: [clicks "enter" button, but it reads "access denied"] That's weird. It won't let me back in. [clicks several more times] Luckily, we've printed out all the details. Now let's go practice our dance moves!

[Apple and Onion are seen dancing on the sidewalk.]

Apple: Onion!

Onion: Yeah?

Apple: I think if we're really gonna get French Fry's attention at the party, we'll need to stand out more.

Onion: What do you propose?

[Apple smirks as a jingle plays.]

[Apple and Onion are now decorated with toys and party decorations. Burger and French Fry come walking down the street.]

French Fry: Hey, it's Apple and Onion!

Burger: Who?

French Fry: Hey guys, whatcha doing?

Onion: [gasps] Hi, French Fry.

French Fry: Hi, Onion.

[Apple giggles, teasing the two of them, who are both blushing.]

Burger: Hey, I recognize you two. Now where have I seen-[gasps and recalls what he said earlier: "I think there's a setting where you can take them off the list."]

French Fry: Hey, I saw you guys were invited to Hotdog's pa-[Burger nudges her, cutting her off.]

Apple: To Hotdog`s party? Yeah, me and Onion can't wait. [using shark pincher toy] "Can we, Onion?" [notices Onion is staring at Burger, worried] What? [looks at Burger and French Fry] What?

Burger[nervously] What? W-wha...what do you mean "what?"

Onion: You didn't want French Fry to...

Apple: You didn't want French Fry to what?

Onion: ...mention the party.

Burger: No, well...yeah, but...it's not like that. It's just because, uh...[begins to sweat]...this party tonight, it's...it's not gonna be that kind of thing, you know, balloons and toys and stuff? You know what I mean?

Apple: [raises hand] I don't.

Burger: How do I put it? It'll be more like...a dinner party, like a sit-down meal kind of thing, more...more grown up! Uhhh...we better get going! [grabs French Fry's hand and leaves quickly]

French Fry: Uh, OK, see you later, guys!

Apple: More grown up?

Onion: [looks at his decorations and sighs] We can´t go to this party now.

Apple: Why?

Onion: Look at all of this!

Apple: But what about asking French Fry out?

Onion: I'm like a little kid! Ugh.

Apple: But then...so am I. [sighs; brief pause] Onion...we´re gonna grow up!

[Apple and Onion walk out of a thrift store with a bag of money.]

Onion: We´re glad we sold all our toys, aren't we, Apple?

Apple: Yes, because now we have money! Cash money! All we need to do now is go to the bank and open a bank account.

Onion: And then we'll be grown ups?

Apple: I just think if we wanna be grown ups, we have to start doing grown up things, and then hopefully by tonight we can go to this party proud and then you can ask French Fry out!

Onion: I'm already proud, Apple...of you, and your grown up ideas!

Apple: Yeah! We´re already doing it, baby!

Both: [dancing while walking down the street] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, ye...

Apple: [turns to people waiting at the bus stop] This isn't very grown up, is it?

People: No.

Apple: Okay.

Both: [walking normally down the street] Grown-ups. Grown-ups. Grown-ups. Grown-ups. Grown-ups. Grown-ups...[enter the bank, jumping up and down] Grown-ups! Grown-ups! Grown-ups! Grown-ups! Grown-ups!

Bank Teller: Next!

Both: [see that they're at the front of the line, even though that's only because they cut in line] That's us!

Drink: Hey!

Apple: This is it. [the two of them walk up to the teller. Onion holds up the bag of money, though not quite high enough for the bank teller to reach. Apple tries to raise his arm up] No, hold up properly.

Onion: What's wrong with the way I'm holding it?

Apple: It's not grown up, just hold it up. [they begin to fight for the bag.]

Onion: I'm holding it.

Apple: You're not holding it up properly.

Onion: I am holding it up properly.

Apple: That´s not a hold up. This is a hold up!

Bank Teller: What did you just say?

Apple: I said this is a hold up. [realizes his error] Oh.

[cut to jail. Apple and Onion are closed inside a prison cell.]

Apple: Uh..jail.

Onion[groans in disappointment looking at the invitation, which has a heart drawn around French Fry. He wads it up and throws it on the floor.]

[A growl is heard. Their large cellmate, Beef Jerky, lands on the floor yelling and making an ominous face at Apple and Onion, who scream.]

Beef Jerky: WHO'S THERE? WHAT IS IT?

[the two of them cower in the corner]

Onion: We're really sorry.

Apple: Please don't harm us!

Onion: We're just trying to be grown-ups!

Beef Jerky: Uh...uh...don't be scared!

Apple: OK?

Beef Jerky: I...really didn't mean to...uh...oh! Meet Mittens! He's my friend. They wouldn´t let me bring him into jail, so I got him tattooed to my chest. [moves the tattoo's mouth to make it look like it's talking, and talks in a high-pitched voice] Hi, I'm Mittens! Nice to meet you! [Apple pretends to shake the tattoo's hand. The tattoo laughs, and Apple and Onion laugh too.] Yeah! And I'm Beef Jerky! Now, excuse me for asking, but how did a couple of sweet guys like you end up in jail?

Apple: We were trying to grow up.

Onion: And I was trying to ask French Fry out...

Apple[laughs teasingly] She's a girl!

Onion: ...at Hotdog's "grown-up" party.

Beef Jerky: French Fry, huh?

Onion: I love her.

Beef Jerky: But you can't grow up?

Apple: We just don't know how!

Beef Jerky: Hmmm..I´m going to tell you a story. There was once a guy who was a real pushover. People used to walk all over him because he wasn't tough. But no matter what he tried, he just didn't know how to be tough. So you know what he did?

Apple[raises hand] I don't.

Beef Jerky: He found the toughest people in town and he started copying them. And even though on the inside he was still the same, people thought he was tough and no one ever messed with him again.

Onion: Was that guy you, Beef Jerky?

Beef Jerky: Yeah...

Onion: And is that why you shouted at us earlier?

Beef Jerky: Yeah...sorry. OK, listen up now. You want people to think you're grown-ups?

Both: Yeah!

Beef Jerky: You go to this party full of grown-ups and you copy them!

Both: Whoa! Thanks, Beef Jerky!

Beej: Call me Beej, baby. [cut to Apple and Onion in the toilet] Now, don't forget about the copying! [flushes Apple and Onion down the toilet and out of the prison cell]

Both: Bye, Beej!

Beej: I´ll miss you guys!

[Apple and Onion, with wet shoes, enter the Chicken Shack and take the elevator to Hotdog's room. They knock at the door, to which Hotdog and Burger answer.]

Burger: Apple and Onion! Listen, I'm really sorry about the mix-up earlier.

Hotdog: Come on in, guys! French Fry's running a little bit late but she's been telling me all about you. She says you're really funny.

Both[in the same tone as Hotdog] ¨She says you're really funny.¨

Hotdog: Hey-

Both: Heh?

Burger: Ah, OK. This is funny, I see.

Both: ¨Ah, OK. This is funny, I see.¨

Burger: Hey that´s not how I...is that how I speak?

Both:¨Hey that´s not how I...is that how I speak?¨

Burger: Stop it!

Both:  "Stop it!¨

[The three hyperventilate.]

Burger: [dispirited] I think I'm gonna go sit down.

Hotdog: Hey, Burger...[sighs] Hey guys, uh...why don't you just come through and, um, make yourselves at home? Burger!

Apple:This doesn´t feel quite right, Onion.

Onion: [with an echo] I love her, Apple.

Apple: OK, you go copy them, I'll copy him over there. By the time French Fry gets here, we'll be ready.

Onion[shakes Apple's hand] Yeah!

Licorice: How old is your neice?

Ice Cream: She just turned two last week.

Licorice: Oh-ho-ho, she's adorable-

Onion: Oh-ho-ho! Let me see that. Look at her tiny little-OH-HO! What a cute little baby! OH-HO-HO! BABIES!

[Licorice blushes in embarassment.]

Apple: Hi, I'm Apple!

Popcorn[stutters as popcorn pops from his head as he speaks] N-n-n-ni-ni-ni-nice to m-m-m-m-meet you, A-A-A-A-A-Apple!

Apple[takes a deep breath] The--pop pop pop pop pop--pleasure's all--pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop--mine! Pop.

[Popcorn looks at Apple and blushes. One more piece flies off his head.]

Milkshake: [at the balony] The way this city sparkles at night...I don't know, I just feel like anything's possible here.

Cotton Candy: Yeah, I know what you mean, Milkshake. There's a kind of magic...

Apple: Oh yeah, and these bricks; I just love them! Ah, the texture; it's like all of our dreams are coming true at once!

[cut to the living room. Everyone is just sitting around, and there's a knock at the door.]

Onion[sweaty] Ah! That must be French Fry!

Apple: [whispers] Just keep copying. She'll think you're real grown up, then we ask her out.

[cut back to jail. The Chief enters Beej's cell and looks underneath Apple and Onion's blanket, just to find a couple of pillows]

Chief: Where'd they go, Beej?

Beej: Leave me ALONE! [turns to lie facing towards the wall]

Chief[annoyed grunt. Notices the wadded up invitation on the floor. Opens it back up and reads it.] Hotdog's party...mm-hmm.

[cut to the guests at the dinner table]

French Fry: Well I gotta say, Hotdog, the food looks amazing; I'll probably polish this off in twenty seconds!

Apple: (whispers to Onion) Copy.

Onion: Oh, well, me too, Hotdog. I'll...I'll probably polish this off in...ten seconds!

French Fry[laughs] Well, I'm so hungry  I could eat my meal and then your meal afterwards!

Onion: Yeah, and we´re so hungry we could eat our meals, and your meal, and then probably everyone else´s meal as well! [clenches his fists] Can't we, Apple?!

Apple: Yeah!

[Apple and Onion start devouring their meals.]

French Fry: Guys, you don't have to--

[They begin going around the table devouring everyone else's meals, causing a big mess.]

Onion:I´m gonna do it.

Apple: YES, ONION!

Onion: French Fry, will you...will you...

Apple: DO IT!!

Onion: Will you be my-

[The door is abruptly kicked open by the Chief and his deputy.]

Chief: NOBODY MOVE!

[The party guests scream, while Apple and Onion run.]

Chief[runs up to the table] Where are they?

Licorice: They're over there! [points to the back of the room, where the camera pans.]

[Onion is seen hiding inside a flowerpot, resembling a plant. The Chief finds him and breaks the pot off his head.]

Chief: Where'd the other one go?

Apple: [hiding underneath a lampshade] He escaped.

Chief[removes the lampshade and lines Apple and Onion up] Hands behind your backs. [proceeds to put handcuffs on them until interrupted by French Fry]

French Fry: Officer, wait, what's going on?

Chief: Your two friends here broke out of jail.

Onion: We were just trying to be grown-ups so we could come to this party but we accidentally held up a bank!

French Fry: What?!

Apple: So we just pretended to be grown-ups by copying everyone!

French Fry: This is unbe...I don't even under...why didn´t you just come as you are?

Apple: Because we're like little kids! [frustrated sigh, rests head on Onion]

French Fry: But so what? You're fun! That´s why we became friends in the first place. Remember?

Apple[raises hand] I do.

Onion[raises hand] And I.

French Fry: So, please, can you just go back to being you again?

Both[look at each other] Yes. [relieved sigh]

[Both look at the soiled party guests. A steak falls on top of Hotdog's head.]

Apple: We´re sorry for ruining your party, everyone.

Onion: How can we make it up to you?

[Apple gasps. Close up of him smirking as a jingle plays, just like earlier. Apple and Onion are dancing in the middle of the room with the rest of the party guests cheering them on.]

Party Guests: Apple and Onion! Apple and Onion! Apple and Onion! Apple and Onion! ...

[Onion goes over to talk to French Fry, who turns the lights on Onion's glasses off after finding them unpleasantly bright.]

Onion: Thanks for helping us out today, French Fry.

French Fry: It's okay, Onion; I love you guys!

Onion: I love you too! By the way, do you want to come out with me tomorrow to play bottle catch?

French Fry[enthusiastically] Yeah!

Apple: [laughs teasingly]

[Cut to the cops dancing in the middle.]

Party Guests: Lamb chop and T-bone! Lamb chop and T-bone! ...

[Apple and Onion are shown departing from the party. Hotdog, Burger, and French Fry are at the doorway.]

All: Bye!

Deputy: Uh, Chief, weren't we supposed to arrest those guys?

Chief[music stops, party horn falls out of mouth]

[Cut back to prison cell. A wet piece of paper with writing on it lands on Beej's face. Beej picks it up and reads it as Apple and Onion read it aloud.]

Both: Dear Beej, today we learned we should just be ourselves, and we think you should just be yourself as well, because you're a really nice person. Love from your friends,​​ [Beej looks over at the toilet, and sees Apple and Onion sitting in it.] Apple and Onion. [Onion flushes the duo down. Beej looks at the letter and smiles. He sets it down on his belly and lies back down. Apple and Onion cheer as they head for the end of the sewage pipe.]